The secret place

The small and peaceful town where Matilda had spent whole her childhood and youth was constantly sunny and bright. The inhabitants had never seen winter and snow, they never knew any natural disaster, never had an idea what was happening in the world out there and when they had visitors from other parts of the world they would gather in the small town inn and make the visitor tell amazing stories about the big big world. None of them ever dared to leave the town; no one ever felt the need to do it. People there were happily locked in their paradise. The town was situated on an amazing valley, rich in picturesque scenes. Falls here were amazing: it colored the trees into beautiful hues and made the place look like a fairyland. From the hill that was above all this beauty Matilda used to enjoy the view under a big chestnut tree. She would sit there for hours and dream. She would enjoy the soft breeze touching her face and tangling her hair; she would watch the colors of nature and fill her soul with immense beauty, absorbing her whole essence. What she was dreaming about? Oh she was a 15 year-old girl, dreamy as anyone could be… Of course she was dreaming of big, crazy love, happy family, beautiful house and garden of red and yellow roses…

Matilda wasn’t too beautiful. Her eyes were dark brown but big and so very bright, that no one could stand her look at them. Probably you would first of all notice her eyes on her face when you would first look at her and only then you would notice a pale face with tiny lips, shiny white teeth when she would smile and two beautiful spots that would appear on her cheeks. She had long dark brown hair, and she was very much proud of them, she was tall and had a very beautiful body. But what was special about her, something that could never leave anyone indifferent, was the feeling of peace and lightness that would cover any place she would appear in. Her movements were soft and cautious, she looked so fragile and there was something angelic and too innocent in her, and that made people adore her.

 Once when she was sitting under the big chestnut tree and reading a small romantic novel she suddenly realized that she spent too long hours in her secret place and it was getting dark. She hurried to go back, closed the book and got up to leave. She had made a few quick steps when she heard someone was coming close to her, it was a little  dark so she couldn’t see the face properly, but she realized it was a young man. She never wanted anyone to see her there, so she immediately decided to hide behind the tree, and wait for a moment when she could run away without being noticed. She was standing behind the tree watching the man young man making himself comfortable under the same chestnut tree. The guy took out a notebook and a pen, thought for a while and started to write down something. She was curious to know who the guy was, and what he was doing under her chestnut tree! She stayed bit longer and kept on watching. The guy was writing and writing and she desperately wanted to read it! It was getting darker and darker, and soon the first stars appeared in the sky, he stoped writing and now was simply enjoying the peaceful loneliness... She had to leave... When she wanted to walk away she stepped on a stick and it made a sound which attracted the young man, he turned around and asked in a surprised voice

-who is there?

She didn’t answer, but as she wanted to move the stick made another sound, now he was sure he wasn’t alone there

-come out, I won’t hurt you!!

-It’s just me… sorry, I was here when you came to my chestnut tree..

-Your chestnut tree? I always come here, it’s my secret place

-no it’s my secret place! I found it out long time ago!

-Oh really? And who are you? I don’t want stranger in my place… and you were watching me ???

-Your place??? Young man you are so wrong! I had no intention to watch you, I was leaving when you appeared in MY SECRET PLACE!

- Aahhaha!! Ok ok! Let it be our secret place! Just don’t fight. What does a young lady like you do here at this hour.

- I was reading and forgot about the time. And what where you writing in your notebook?

The young man hide the notebook behind his back as if afraid she can take it away from him.

-Ah… I don’t share these details with strangers. I am Marcus by the way… may I know your name please?

- Well, I prefer to remind a stranger to such an arrogant person. Good bye sir, hope I never see you under my tree anymore.

- Good bye miss, hope to see you soon, may be tomorrow around 7 o’clock?

- I will do my best not to be here at that time. Good bye.

She left very upset, because she was very curious about the notebook and what was strange, she had never seen this guy in the town, while she was certain she knew everyone there. On her way home she suddenly remembered how he looked like! It was dark however she could see his dark black hair, thin face with black eyes that seemed to her so very kind, and lips, which were kind of big for his face. He was slim and rather tall, but had a very healthy look. Who was this man, what he was writing, and why he felt so scared to show it to her!! The curiosity was killing her. She went to bed waiting impatiently for the next evening.

To be continued...

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Comment by Helena on July 15, 2014 at 8:50

Anele tnx for careful review! actually i was thinking of changing this part may be. I am posting here without additing so as to have reader's oppinions. soo when making some changes i will take into consideration ur remarks as well.

Comment by Anele on July 15, 2014 at 5:56

Beautifully written!  Scenes are vividly described and the story is kept at an interesting pace.  

There are however missing pieces of info that can very well justify the vagueness of some scenes. Of course, this does not weaken your skill as a good writer.  You are undoubtedly a very good writer.  I just hope that you'll be open to my criticism.

Here, let me quote some lines that rendered some of your scenes vague and puzzled me a bit:

it was rather dark so she couldn’t see the face, ( It made me think that "it" must be referring to the surrounding.  But since the man was writing, I assumed that it was not yet totally dark.  It could be the shade of the chestnut tree that made the place dark.)

The guy was writing and writing and she desperately wanted to read it! It was getting darker and darker, first stars appeared in the sky and she had to leave.  (Stars' appearance made me think that the scenario was really dark and made me wonder how he could write in the dark.)

On her way home she suddenly remembered how he looked like! It was dark however she could see his dark black hair, thin face with black eyes that seemed to her so very kind, and lips, which were kind of big for his face. He was slim and rather tall, but had a very healthy look. (Helena, I think the bold line blew it up.  How could the color of the eyes register in Matilde’s mind when in fact she had a hard time seeing his face?)

Comment by Helena on July 14, 2014 at 19:09

patience dears ... u will see :P

Comment by Stranger in the night on July 14, 2014 at 18:32

I know, he is going to be her husband, and they will have son, Marcus Little:D

hmm, 3rd part going to be hell hot crazy romance?

Comment by BROWN on July 14, 2014 at 0:03
Wow!amazing story!
Comment by Adicto Joven on July 13, 2014 at 19:13

awww expectations, let me expect, I'm so bad at guessing though :D :

first of all : I'm imaging the period, just before the second world war with some years ( 2 or 3 years before 1939 ) and the rest of the story happened during that war when she lost her husband after his recruitment,kid and her sight when their PEACEFUL village was blown up!!! 

Those are the main ideas I thought about... silly, ha? :D

Comment by Helena on July 13, 2014 at 16:43

thats a rather unexpected turn lulu. 

Comment by Luci on July 13, 2014 at 14:44
Great!! That's unfair I wont be able to read next part of it ;( But ok I will imagine that Marcus will rape Mathylda and will make her blind :D
Comment by Helena on July 13, 2014 at 14:19

Adictoooo )) my lil matilda )) :P nextpart will be posted in one week sharp ) 

Comment by Adicto Joven on July 13, 2014 at 14:09
it is a different way to tell story!!! the start was the sad ending and I'm curious about your end how would it be ??? I traveled to that valley, I really did and I woke up from this virtual travel when you started talking about Matilda as you were talking about her and with a way you were talking about me :D just without spots and brown fiar eyes!!!
My little heart can't wait the next <3

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