Writing Challenge #26: A Gingerbread Mystery

 

Kitty:

This is insane am I a suspect now! I just can’t believe this is happening. I was trying to put on a tranquil face in the detective office, despite the uneasiness I felt. Now he is working on papers on his desk. Can’t he do this after questioning me? Waiting just makes me more nervous or maybe he is doing this on purpose?

Again I tried not to focus on his frightening figure. How anyone could think that I might steel Gingey’s candy?  I wasn’t even any place around him when all this happened. I was studying in my room with Daisy. Daisy, my best friend her face was white when she walked out of the door few moments ago. I couldn’t find a chance to talk to her, because they called my name immediately after her exit. But when our eyes met hers were worried and troubled I think I read a hint of guilt on them. I don’t doubt her loyalty but she can easily slipped out during the negotiation and tell the detective that I have been out for few times when we were together. I started to clasp and unclasp my hands in nervous motions the detective glanced quickly at me and then dropped his eyes on the papers again.  Perfect, I mumbled under my breath, now he will take it as a sign of guilt. Well, it is but the guilt I feel has nothing to do with Gingy’s candy. I feel guilty because if Daisy slipped out and told the detective then I have to admit where I was and what I was doing. I don’t want to; it’s embarrassing besides what Daisy would think about me if she discovered that I was sneaking out to take bites from my chocolate bar? I know it’s mean but I am a chocoholicand I can do nothing about it. I don’t like to share my chocolate with any one even my best friend. Oh God helps me I know what I have done was mean but it doesn’t compare to stealing. I may not share my things with others but I would never ever take theirs. Especially Gingy’s candy. For God sake why would I do it?? Yes I love strawberry but not as much as Nibs does.  That braggart little thing. I tried not to be prejudiced but I wish the shrewd detective would find out it was him who did it. I enjoyed the idea for a moment and smiled to myself. He has got the motive- his strawberry weakness isn’t a secret anymore I have spotted him gazing passionately at Gingey’s candy several times I am sure others did too. Besides he speaks profusely about gingerbread’s morals and how a “good gingerbread” should be. Why on earth he keeps repeating this unless he is a fraudulent trying to look pious. I rolled my eyes in disgust. I doubt anyone knows him enough to ever defend him. Putting on those snobbish looks anyone hardly would speak to him. At this point I felt the detective eyes on me I adjusted myself in my seat, inhaled a deep breath and raised my head to face his penetrating gaze. 

***********

Thanks for reading. If you noticed I have tried to link my story with Nida's and Talibah's :)

Waiting for your comments and corrections.

                                                                                  

 

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Tags: #26, challenge, corrections, writing

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Comment by siriA on January 25, 2011 at 9:49
You're welcome ^^
Comment by Rabab on January 25, 2011 at 9:04
Am really over whelmed siriA. Thanks very very very much for ur effort and for the time u have spent here. I have learnt a lot from ur corrections.
If u don't mind keep it up ;)
Thanks.
Comment by siriA on January 24, 2011 at 1:42

Hi Rabab,

 

Well, this is just.. because I have made my promise (in Talibah's blog comment).

Again, I'm not a teacher. I just revised it as what I think it should be.

So, pls learn it carefully, and take my corrections at your own risk :P

 

Cheers! ^^'

siriA

.........................................................

This is insane! Am I a suspect now?! I just can’t believe this is happening! I am trying to put on a tranquil face in the detective office,  despite the uneasiness I feel. Now, he is working on papers on his desk. Can’t he do this after questioning me? Waiting just makes me more  nervous, or maybe he is doing this on purpose?

Again, I try not to focus on his frightening figure. How anyone could think that I might steel Gingey’s candy?  I wasn’t even anywhere around him when all this happened. I was studying in my room with Daisy. Daisy, my best friend, her face was white when she walked out of the door a few moments ago. I couldn’t find a chance to talk to her, because he called my name immediately after her exit. But when our eyes methers were worried and troubled. I think I've read a hint of guilt on them. I don’t doubt her loyalty, but, as I've known her very well, every bits of information would easily slip out of her mouth during interrogation and the detective has probably known by now that I have been out for a few times when we were together. I start to clasp and unclasp my hands in nervous motions. The detective glances quickly at me and then drops his eyes on the papers again. How perfect, I mumbled under my breath; now, he will take it as a sign of guilt. Well, it is. But the guilt I feel has nothing to do with Gingy’s candy. I feel guilty because if all that have happened has slipped out from Daisy ( if the detective has been informed with all that have happened by Daisy), then I have to admit where I was and what I was doing. I don’t want to. It’s embarrassing. Besides, what Daisy would think about me if she discovered that I was sneaking out to take bites from my chocolate bar? I know it was mean, but I am a chocoholic and I can do nothing about it. I don’t like to share my chocolate with any one even my best friend. Oh God, help me! I know what I have done was mean, but it isn't compared to stealing! I may not share my things with others, but I will never ever steal theirs. Especially Gingy’s candy. For God sake! Why would I do it?? Yes, I love strawberry, but not as much as Nibs does.  That braggart little thing. I try not to be prejudiced, but I wish the shrewd detective would find out it was him who did it. I enjoy the idea for a moment and smile to myself. He has got the motive. His strawberry weakness isn’t a secret anymore. I have spotted him gazing passionately at Gingey’s candy several times. I am sure others have either. Besides, he speaks profusely about gingerbread’s morals and how a "good gingerbread" should be. Why on earth he keeps repeating this unless he is a fraudulent trying to look pious. I roll my eyes in disgust. I doubt that anyone who has known him well enough would ever defend him.  Putting up with those snobbish looks, anyone hardly wants to speak to him. At this point, I feel the detective eyes on me. I adjust myself in my seat, inhale a deep breath and raise my head to face his penetrating gaze. 

........................

Comment by Rabab on January 8, 2011 at 9:32

And your comment worth waiting, thanks soooo much Doc you really made my day, am a bit smug now.

Actually am not taking any tests I learnt most of these vocabulary from my previous English classes.

Thanks for reading and commenting please keep it up it mean a lot to us.


Mod
Comment by Expector Smith on January 5, 2011 at 12:20

Sorry I missed this fantastic writing!

 

You used some 'big words' - I wonder if you're prefaring for GRE (a very difficult test of English)? If you're taking that test, you may encounter some words which you may see only once in your life :))

 

I like your description - when Kitty saw Daisy walk out of the room and found Daisy's face was pale, which makes us think that Daisy could be guilty and have stolen Ginger's candy.

 

Good writing!


SpamBuster
Comment by nidα on December 27, 2010 at 20:00

@ Taliba,

 

Daisy : Forgive her! Don't you know what the chocolate means to a chocoholic? I won't forgive her! Never ever! Kitty is no more my best friend. ^_*

Comment by Talibah on December 25, 2010 at 6:31
@nida: forgive her dear, after all both of you belong to the family of bats;)
Comment by Rabab on December 24, 2010 at 21:33

@Walid thanks a lot for reading my story and for the nice comment. You are right about Kitty she should have be honest with her friend. Am afraid that their friendship is in danger now according to nida :$

@nida: Kitty please forgive me you should understand why I have done this because you are chocoholic too ;)

Comment by Rabab on December 24, 2010 at 21:21
@ Talibah oohh another one?  you know am "a sluggard student" ;p But will do my best Inshaa'Allah.
Comment by Rabab on December 24, 2010 at 21:18
@LEEH thanks for reading my story sweetie glad you find it useful :)

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