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When we hurt someone, and "I am sorry" is not enough.

Have you ever offended the people who are somehow important for you? What did you do to get forgiveness?
I would like to share with you one of my stories. I offended one of the very important persons for me. And he didn´t give me any chance to ask for apologize. No one tiny chance. No answers to calls. No answers to e-mails…nothing of that. And I was really hurt with my guiltiness.
What I did is I wrote a blog. The first blog in my life. And sent a link. Expressing my thoughts and asking for mercy. I know there can be lot of critics now, but the end justified the means.
Here is what I wrote.
In the middle of an intense moment, we all occasionally say or do something that, depending upon our mood, hurts others either intentionally or accidentally.
Then, when we come to our senses, we realize an apology is in order for the pain we caused.
And not just any old apology.
Since we’re sorry, we want to offer an apology that will let the person we hurt know how much we regret our words or actions — an apology that moves us past the situation into greener pastures where the offended person trusts us, our motives, and our words again.
But How?
People who are hurt tend to think irrationally, and that’s due to anger. In the same way that anger clouded our discernment when we said or did the thing that got us into this situation, anger can cloud angry people’s ability to forgive.
While we know we should apologize, it’s not always easy. Doing so opens us up to the possibility of being confronted with anger and resentment by the offended person(s).
And it’s not always easy for them to accept our apology. They can wonder whether it’s the truth — perhaps the words we’re apologizing for are still our true feelings.
When we apologize to people from our heart — and mean it — we hope they’ll decide with their mind to accept our mea culpa.
Not because it’s easy to forgive and forget, not because we necessarily deserve it, but because they’ve intentionally decided to forgive us.
Besides, not forgiving us hurts them more than it hurts us. After we apologize, our life looks and feels pretty much the same, but for the person who doesn’t forgive, the sun shines dimly on their days. That’s because they see things through the dark lenses of bitterness, anger, and unforgivingness.
And for those of us who need to offer an apology, let’s not wimp out or let pride get in the way. Let’s intentionally try to right our wrong. Doing so not only speaks to our character, but it’s a proof of our character.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:32

All we offend lots of people in our life. So do I. Today I want one person could grant me permission (and I hope he will, because maybe he might also want to hear what I have to say?)
I want him to know how much I regret what I did, I know it was wrong, and I value his feelings. I wish I could turn back time and change what I said.
In my case, it’s not possible to right a situation. The person is at the other hemisphere of the Earth, and I have to be Ivanka Tramp...or at least Kim Kardashian to make it possible (I mean… I am not a daughter of a millionaires), but I would do everything I can to make it right.
I only want to let him know that inherent in my apology is a promise that I won’t say what I said or did again.
Dear Mr. IknowAll, I’m asking for your forgiveness. Will you please forgive me? I understand you need time to think about it.
I hope my sincere apology will be accepted with the intention of restoring the friendship. Please, accept the handwritten note as well to see how deep I have been punished with the silence.

Dear friends, if you have that kind of experience in asking for forgiveness, please, share, it might help someone. Thank you.

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Comment by the top of the world on June 2, 2018 at 14:45

Thanks for making public your own life story. This must teach lots of us an inspires us to reknow ourselves. 

I think the best way is not to offend anybody. You might think it is impossible to live such life where every thing is OK! But I think it is possible if u appreciate pluralism.

Comment by Оlga on May 30, 2018 at 0:57

Thank you,  bet, for such kind words, you are absolutely right. I like the example about the bird, hah, I even used it two times today ))).

Comment by bet on May 29, 2018 at 5:00

Pretty thoughtful topic! Hum...we sometimes hurt our close ones but if they are really close or they care for us after a certain period of time they forgive us but there are some who do not want to forgive our mistakes, they keep the grudge against us and the relationship never gets back to its previous normal situation. There is a saying, set the bird free if it gets back it is yours if not it was never yours! So, give him some times and see!

Comment by Оlga on May 28, 2018 at 2:20

Thank you so much  ella for your kind and detailed comment on the blog. I liked how you described all, and yes, people who cannot forgive us are not our people. And we are not their ones ))

Thank you once more ))

Comment by ella on May 27, 2018 at 23:42

interesting topic, Olga..

we all do mistakes.. nobody is perfect..  generally, we should be able to forgive same as we would like that others forgive us..

Most of "small" msitakes can be solved by truly "i am sorry"  ( Small mistakes are usually not intentionaly,they are reckless, momentaly, accidentaly... ) If it doeasnt work, then leave it.. If you have friend who can not forgive small mistake, then it is not friend at all..  Usually, such person care about his hurt ego more than you and all what your friendship meant.. Nothing is valuable as his ego is.. All spent time toghether, beautiful moments, good or bad.. everything is crushed coz his ego is hurt.. So, if he doeasnt cool down in time of few days, leave it..

Let Mr. Perfect find some Mis. Perfect, and enjoy in Prefectionism :D

But..

Some mistakes reveal your inner situation, your truly feelings, enjoing, disgusting, expectation, wishes, boredom, like or dislike and similar treating of somebody... and so and so..

You can say „ I am sorry, i didnt phone you for a month, i was busy“, but your friend will already have enough informations to realise many things  about that „ friendship“  and about you..

Yes, It can hurt him..Maybe he can got angry, too..  But it also can be that he is just decided to stop such friendship, not because he can not forgive, but because he realised that you are not friend that he expected, nor such friendship... 

Simply said, such mistakes help you to realise that you dont match.. As soon as you figure out it, it is better, better then live in an ilussion..  

Better for both of you..

Wish you the best..

Comment by Оlga on May 25, 2018 at 22:50

Hi Zivi, no doubts we have to tell the real friend apart the acquaintance. No one is perfect and on the spur of the moment everything can happen.  ))) We pick a flight and then we regret it and can't turn the tide.

Right you are ))). Thank you for the interesting comment )))

PS: All my life seems to be a piece of pure philosophy ))) Heh...

Comment by Zivi on May 25, 2018 at 21:57

Hi Olga, you always come along with pretty philosophycal topics. And also this one that makes me wonder whether to add my tuppence. In fact almost everything is written by you and people that wrote their take of things with firm conviction. On the one hand, they wanted to either make you feel a bit comfortable and on the other hand they gave good pieces of advice and help.

Here is my humble take of the point: You know that people you call friends and you´d also know their limits. And your friends do know you. Hence good friends would accept your apology. You can´t prevent yourself from stepping into the grease pot or open a can of worms now and then. And the weirdest thing is sitting in your own doghouse. Once you have spoken out an insult you can´t turn back to the clock. You have to accept the decision of the offended or insulted person. What else could you do? You have to trust in the people of who you know you mistakingly have bothered.

Lol ....... as a proficient grease pot stepper I must know ....rofl

Comment by Оlga on May 25, 2018 at 21:12

Thank you SNR for commenting on my blog )). Absolutely agree. And I do just the same as you have written. But, what happens..happens. We all commit errors.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the problem ))). 

Comment by SNR on May 25, 2018 at 20:14

It's  always not easy to forgive the person who has hurt you, it might take months or even years to forget but still like we always say the relation would not be like before. On the other hand, I always make sure I don't say  things which offend others... But if I did I would apologies thousand times. Still that person doesn't accept I just leave forever from his or her life. 

Thanks for sharing this blog.

Comment by Оlga on May 25, 2018 at 19:17

Thank you dear  Ramnord for reading such a long post of mine, and one more thanks for such a long and brilliant comment on it. Since then lot of time has passed... And I got my forgiveness ))) time ago... Only that moment taught me a very good lesson. Whatever happens in our lives...whoever is guilty..all of us has a right to right the wrong things ))). And, we have to care about people around us. Not only with our actions, but also with words.

Thank you so much Ramnord for your nice and deep words )))

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